I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
