so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
