Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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