if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
