nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
