ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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