I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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