my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
