walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
