My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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