I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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