If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
