so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
