Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
