no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
