Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
