his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
