Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
