How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
