She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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