you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
