Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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