you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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