just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize