So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
