I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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