Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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