We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
