hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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