Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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