the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
