Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
