Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
