that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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