u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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