Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
