Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
