I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
