just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
