Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want her autograph on my taint
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
