he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wear drunk well.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
