found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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