Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
