Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
