I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize