I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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