the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
