i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
