you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
