I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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