I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
