thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When are your genitals available?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
