I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
