Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
