At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
