she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
