Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
