Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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