need another drink. this is the easiest way
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
