I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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