He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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