all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
