My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
