Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
