Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
